Sometimes I see products that make me excited, other times I see products that I’m indifferent about and finally there are products that make me do a double take and realize that the end must be near. After shedding a few tears, either provoked by sadness or shear hilarity, I usually try to bury the memory deep inside where I forget that I’ve ever seen such a product. These are products that should have failed.
Well, it’s your lucky day! Now I’m going to share with you 5 of those products that have scarred me for life. I know- I know, it’s generous of me, but you know the old saying: misery loves company. Here are 5 products that should have failed- but didn’t.
1. ShamWow
Really? First of all, please explain to me what exactly it is about selling me glorified, overpriced shop towels on television requires you to wear a headset.
Secondly, the highly absorbent towels you are hawking have been available in the auto section of every low end department chain store for years.
The people who would actually consider buying a ShamWow might wind up picking up the phone to do so while wearing our next product:
2. Forever Lazy
Footie pajamas for adults that have legitimate flaps for when, as they so gingerly put it, “nature calls”. Good old American culture, right there.
Why not just put on a diaper while you’re at it? Not only do these things look insanely oversized and uncomfortable, but they’re hideous to look at and I can only imagine that it is more difficult to open a flap to go to the bathroom than it is to just unzip some pants.
Oh well, at least you’ve got the ShamWows?
3. Chia Pet
Sh-sh-sh should have failed. Besides the lame commercials that obliterate your day time TV experience, I’ve always had trouble grasping the concept of a Chia Pet.
I’ve never looked at a piece of clay pottery and thought “I really wish I could grow some herbs out of that!”
My favorite part is how the commercials always include a time lapse of the herbs growing, as though you’ll stand there in amazement and watch each moment.
4. Pump Gloves
These gloves are designed specifically for women to use at the gas pump, because apparently they are precious, dainty creatures who must not deign to use the gas pump with their bare hands.
Let us not pretend that they use a credit card at the pump that numerous people have touched, opened the car door which is exposed to the perils of the outside world, and a plethora of other disgusting, germ-infested environments.
If you’re reading this, I think there just might be an untapped market for pink, polka dotted air filtration masks!
5. Dog Snuggies
What’s more ridiculous than a dog jacket? A dog snuggie. Snuggies are strange enough for those who walk on two legs, but who’s the marketing genius that decided that creatures who had to be tamed to live inside and come with their own layer of insulating fur need a special wearable blanket for indoors?
I can almost guarantee that anyone who buys a snuggie for their dog has a matching snuggie for themselves, but I suppose at least Mrs. Jones and her pomeranian will be cozy during The Price Is Right.