“Are We Debating Just To Win The Argument?”
It is no secret that a major contributor to divorce is finances. There is a lot of “my money, her money” and very little teamwork. We have no doubt that there is probably at least one couple out there that works well with those pretenses, but the majority don’t.
Finances in relationships should be treated as a challenge that needs to be overcome, and you should both tackle it together! If you are both taking the challenge on separately then what was the reason for joining in marriage as a team? There is power in numbers, and it would be silly to get married only to work alone. Each person will have their strengths, and when one person is doing something, the other person can be working on a different aspect.
If one is at work trying to make a living, the other one can work on building passive income, or work on different ways to trim spending. Take advantage of the fact that you have been blessed with a team-mate that wants to stick by your side, and through thick and thin. By going through the ordeal together you will grow closer because you need each other during that time.
If you go through it separately, then it will create a divide, the two of you won’t know what’s going on with each other, and you won’t be able to commiserate, and help. Worse yet, if you are going through financial stress, and the other is just fine, then they will probably sit there and coach you on the things you are doing wrong!
Taking on finances together creates a new level of transparency and honesty. You won’t be able to hide things from one another, and it might be painful or embarrassing at first, but it will help you. You might give each other looks and think things like “You spend that much to do your hair?” or “I can’t believe how big that boat payment is!” But this transparency is healthy, and will help you both get on track. If you didn’t have the transparency then she couldn’t tell you how dumb that boat payment is and you couldn’t tell her how the weekly hairdo isn’t worth the 60 bucks. You have to go in it together.
- Plan the monthly budget together
- Go over the monthly cash flows together
- Plan the grocery shopping together
- Cut expenses together
- Plan the bills together
- and combine resources: including income!
Some people try to avoid co-mingling income because they want their “spending money” kept separate. That seems like a silly reason! There are legitimate reasons to keep money separate, such as if one person is on disability, then it may be needed for accounting purposes, but to keep money separate just to do it is silly. If it works for you, then we are happy that it works for you, but tread carefully.
Sometimes we hear some of the things that people do going into marriages like prenuptial agreements, considering divorce exit strategies, separate bank accounts, and we can’t help but to wonder, what was the point of getting married? So little trust exists, and pre-planning divorce is about the silliest thing we’ve ever heard! If you go into a marriage thinking about divorce, then it is doomed to failure.
Finances are a challenge that a married couple should take on as a team. It will build trust, honesty, transparency, and a bond. It is necessary.
Related: You Can Save Money